• Welcome to the ElgrandOC forum.

    You will find that the majority of the forum is locked, but do not worry. You can unlock more content by registering to the forum completely free. Sign up is automatic, does not require email confirmation and is instant. Feel free to browse through the sections to see what topics have been covered before you register.
    You can register for an account by CLICKING HERE

    Once you have registered, you will unlock more of the forum content. You will not unlock all of the content until you have reached 10 posts. This is to give you an opportunity to chat to existing members and help to integrate you into the forum community.
    We are a friendly and helpful community and there is a wealth of infomation contained within the forum. Please feel free to register, introduce yourself and get to know your fellow members.

    Feel free to look at the Frequently Asked Questions section, the Meets/Events section and the Competition Section without having to register.
    We look forward to getting to know you and help you with any questions or problemd you have with your Elgrand.

Lets have a clean joke thread. Laughter heals as they say. (NO NASTY, OBSCENE OR COVID19!)

A little boy visits his farmer grandad and watches him milk the cows.

The next day one of the cows runs away and grandad is really upset about it.

“Don’t worry, Grandad,” says the boy helpfully, “she can’t have gone very far with an empty tank.”
 
How to measure a snake?

In inches. Snakes don’t have feet.
 
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
 
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek.

"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is, he replied.... "Breakfast."
 
A woman’s husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for months, yet she’s stayed by his bedside every day.
One day, he awakes and whispers , “It’s amazing, through all my bad times, you’ve been with me, when I got fired, you were there, when I got shot, you were by my side, when I lost my leg in a car crash, you were there , when we lost the house, you stayed.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?
She says”What, darling?”
He says “You must be bad luck, piss off.”
 
Did you go to Rod Hulls funeral ?
Apparently the reception was crap.
 
I went clubbing and pulled a Chinese woman and took her home.
She said “I’ll do anything you want.”
I says”How about a 69?”
She said “I’m not cooking at this time of night.”
 
Two pieces of Tarmac walk into a bar, one turns to the other and says, "I'm dead hard me, I'm dead hard, I'll take anyone on!!" All of a sudden a piece of Pink Tarmac walks in, the bar man says, "Don't mess with him... he's a Cycle path!"
 
Tine Tempest said:
Two pieces of Tarmac walk into a bar, one turns to the other and says, "I'm dead hard me, I'm dead hard, I'll take anyone on!!" All of a sudden a piece of Pink Tarmac walks in, the bar man says, "Don't mess with him... he's a Cycle path!"
Click to expand...
what about the hard shoulder?
 
husband returns home after a night at the pub.... he is bumping slipping on the stairs crashing n banging around, wakes up his wife whos already in bed.... she shouts down to him.."what are you trying to do making that much noise at this hour?" husband replies" im trying ton get this barrel of cider upstairs" wife "why the hell are you trying to do that? husband "because its inside me"
 
What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
A hot cross bunny...
 
zoo keeper running through the zoo...… member of public asks "why are you running? the lions have escaped he replies... member then asks" which way did they go? keeper replies" well im not fucking chasing them...
 
Bear walks into a bar, says, "Can I have a Gin and... ... ...Tonic?" Bar man says, "Yes, but why the big pause?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top