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Lets have a clean joke thread. Laughter heals as they say. (NO NASTY, OBSCENE OR COVID19!)

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down. 👍
 
The wife has. Just gone ballistic as I was using her toothbrush … we have been married for Eight years together for longer , shared some quite intimate moments together .. how else was I gonna get the brake dust off daiseys wheels …? .
 
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Me and my wife were going out for the night. I'm sat on the bed scrolling through the ElgrandOC forum as she's just finishing getting ready. She's checking herself out in the mirror then turns to me and says.

Wife: "Do you think this dress makes me look fat?"
Me: "No not at all. You look beautiful!"
Wife: " I think I look fat! You can be honest with me, tell me the truth."
Me: "So whatever I say next you have to promise me you're not going to get mad. Do you promise?"
Wife: "We've been married for 8 years you can tell me the truth, I promise whatever you say I won't be angry."
Me: "I've just ordered 2 new sports cats from @Elementian" 😬
 
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Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters! 😂
 
Reminds me of the lighthouse foghorn at Souter Point.
 
I have just spotted a sheep wearing a swimsuit driving a supercar..
It was a lamb bikini !!!!
 
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