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Lets have a clean joke thread. Laughter heals as they say. (NO NASTY, OBSCENE OR COVID19!)

An Aussie Drover appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the Stockman offered.
'On a trip out the back of Longreach in Western Queensland , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I asked them very nicely to leave her alone, but the mongrels wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked him in the arse, knocked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
Then I yelled, 'Now, back off you b*****ds or I'll kick the s**t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'About a couple of minutes ago’.
 
I know it's childish but yesterday I sent this to the lostproperty@rfu.com

"Seem to have lost a load of strangers all wearing an old fashioned white shirt and clean white shorts, please check if you have them in the office. Also if you can find it, a lost coaching manual, it's not that thick, if found can you please forward both on to Ediie Jones for me".

Did enjoyed the game today though, shame Ireland got Burns'ed
 
😎👍😂
 

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Been looking for a part time job just to get away from the list madness, nothing going with postal service for part time delivery or postman, took the garden rubbish to the recycling center and matey on the gate suggested Waverley waste services are always looking. Managed to get through to Waverley eventually and the guy was very helpful and thought there might be an opening with the waste collection department, sounds interesting says I, what kind of training is given, not much says the guy, most people pick it up as they go along!
 
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. \

She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. “Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. “The Hilton doesn’t mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”

“What difference does it make?” Joan asked rather calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.”

“Not exactly,” said the embarrassed man. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”
 
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder..'

The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.
She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches..
Then, she walked off.

Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde!
We need the bloody height and she gives us the length!!!
 
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder..'

The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.
She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches..
Then, she walked off.

Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde!
We need the bloody height and she gives us the length!!!
 
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