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Lets have a clean joke thread. Laughter heals as they say. (NO NASTY, OBSCENE OR COVID19!)

It seems that I'm still pretty young cause I don't get the joke and I've never had such thoughts 😅 or I just don't have a sense of humour
 
I'm BAAACCCKKK

Probably not the first time this has been posted...


Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was the second guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing happens again, his hair is standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
The other two said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."
The third night was Frank’s turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. The other two couldn’t believe it!
He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him on the cheek good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night."
 
A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
" Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.
 
And finally, show this to the wife next time you crawl home after a night with the lads..

"One afternoon at the pub , Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm and here's how it went:
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
 
Ohh alright, just one more

Mary was invited to give a talk about her recent experience’s by her local Churches Woman’s group.
With her husband Seamus seated in the audience, she recalled how a few short months ago she’d turned
to God when poor Seamus was involved in an unfortunate accident.
“Six months ago,” Mary began, My husband Seamus, was knocked off his motorcycle, and his Scrotum was smashed.
Mary explained, that for Seamus the pain had been unbearable. His Doctor’s weren’t sure they’d be able to help him.
“The Doctor’s warned us that our lives might never be the same again,” said Mary. “I can tell you I was scared. Seamus was unable to get close to me or the children because every move caused him such extreme discomfort and anxiety which meant he could no longer bear to be touched around his scrotum”
Mary paused for a moment to allow the audience to absorb her words.
Then she said “l’m not ashamed to say, I turned to God for help and I prayed that the Doctors would be able to help Seamus.
Again she paused and then said
“Fortunately our prayers were answered and the Doctors were able to piece together the remnants of Seamus’s scotum with surgical wire, holding everything in place. His Doctors have said “he will soon make a full recovery and will eventually regain the full use of his scrotum.
As the audience burst into applause, a lone man slowly walked up onto the stage and said.
“Hallo there, I’m Seamus, Mary’s husband and I just want to remind my wife once again that the word is
“Sternum”

Boom, boom
Hehe
 
Nope.
 
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