Travelling back home from holiday in Cornwall decided to stop off at Hive Beach in Dorset to exercise our dog. Busybody lady comes up to us and demands we put our dog on a lead saying "if you bothered to read the notice you'll see you can only walk them across this part of the beach on a lead"
"Do you mean the notice that says dogs must be on a lead from 1 June" says I.
"That's right she says...so put your dog on a lead"
But it's the 31st of May I replied.
Off she trots to check the notice...no apology!
Ive met handringers like that before, spouting off yet getting it all wrong.
The exchange usually ends with them saying, " Do you know who i am? I live here."
" Oh, fcuk off home then."
I go to a local park to walk my dog and have lunch in my Van,
There is a fairground set up on the field for half term, its chockka block...can't park on the road as usual, so parked on the grass with everyone else.
Halfway through my family size packet off Sweet Chilli Chicken crisps, i was approached by a 'PoliceMan.'
" Is this your vehicle ."
" Yes."
" Can't park a camper van here. "
" crunch, crunch...It's not a camper van."
He wanderers around and concedes that it's not a camper van.
" Well you cant park here anyway ,"
It was at this point i realised he wasn't a Policeman at all, he was doing a great job of impersonating one though, the uniform, cap, note book, radio, white car with chequered graphics and a light bar on the roof.
So i said there are hundreds of cars parked on the grass, why did you single me out?
" Because you are a camper van."
I am a camper van? Wow ...Alarm bells started ringing and i thought this guy was mentally ill, he said he was having trouble contacting his colleagues on the radio due to the music from the fairground - he instructed me to stay were i am whilst he goes to find them on foot.
To which i agreed.
Disappointingly he didn't come back, or not in the hour or so i was there.
The guy was a council park ranger/warden/enforcement officer....
or a failed traffic warden for short, with no arresting powers at all, in fact the same amount of law enforcement powers as a member of the public.
Anyway, i should have known better as I've met these idiots before, waste of time, public money and oxygen.
