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Lets have a clean joke thread. Laughter heals as they say. (NO NASTY, OBSCENE OR COVID19!)

The guy next to me on the bus today pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of his wife. He said "She's beautiful isn't she?"

I said "If you think she's beautiful you should see my missus mate."

He said "Why? Is she a stunner?"

I said "No, she's an optician!"
 
A few months ago I lost my ear in an accident.. because our DNA is meant to be close to that of a pig, the surgeon decided to graft a pigs ear onto me... a few months later i went to see the audiologist to see how things were.. I told him it looks quite good but I've still got crackling in my ear 🫡🫡
 
I woke up this morning and felt like a 50 pence piece, then a 20 pence piece, then a 10 pence piece then a 5p and then a penny piece... I then thought to myself.. I'm I going through the change 🫣🫡
 
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